I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
