i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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