oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
