Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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