tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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