dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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