I have demons in me.
I looked at my own cervix.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
