I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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