I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
