Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
