He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
