i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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