then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
