Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
