help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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