I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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