Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it glows. i had to have it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
