the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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