I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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