what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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