You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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