Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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