I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
