What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
