i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize