I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
