the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
