I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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