I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
