i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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