All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
