you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
