I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
