u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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