Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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