I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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