Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
