I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
