That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
