I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FUCK WHALES
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
