When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
