The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
