Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
