I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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