I molested 6 butterflies tonight
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
