I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A+ Viking dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
