WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
