Umm I'm too high to move.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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