The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
