Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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