everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
