Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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