i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
