and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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