Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
