He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Randomize
