well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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