Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
