I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
