I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
