I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
