My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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