Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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